My Thoughts On Being a Funeral Celebrant

I might be generalising here or is death on the brain more so than ever before?

Perhaps prompted more so by the pandemic we find ourselves in? Witnessing, with the rest of the world, the overwhelming physical, social, emotional and spiritual suffering COVID-19 is inflicting on infected persons and their families globally. 

At some point we all check in with the limited amount of time we have on earth, and for me personally, one’s mortality has been deeply pondered due to the state of the world. COVID-19 aside, there’s also climate change, side note, if you haven’t already, check out the recent ABC documentary Fight for Planet A here (https://iview.abc.net.au/show/fight-for-planet-a-our-climate-challenge). It’s a three-part documentary aiming to empower and motivate Australians to take action on climate change. I digress. 

Ironically, the more I sink my teeth into the reality of death, the more I want to live and be really alive, right now. Sure, throughout the process (just ask my wife), there has been some very overwhelming moments including: What is the point? Why are we here? What do I want to be doing? How will my wife and I continue to shape our lives? etc etc. Some days I can remain contemplative and intact about death and other days it can really wreak havoc, a real fear subsides, and I feel completely stuck. 

Overall, I am glad to be visiting death and grief on a more regular basis, as stated earlier it is in some way teaching me how to be better at living. 

So, why funerals? Since facing some recent health stuff of my own, at the start of 2020 I decided to step back from Carpentry full time and focus on my Celebrant work (alongside making stuff), striking more of an even balance between the two.

I began a Funeral course (legally it is not required but Funeral Directors would prefer you had experience). Having practiced as a Civil Celebrant now for the last 4 years, I am ready to explore what else I can do in this role.Funerals, as unfortunate as they are, they’re an opportunity to celebrate life & inevitably they do bring people together. When someone dies, their memories live on, the opportunity to bring their story to life at their funeral service needs to be done with sensitivity and poise. Funerals are just as much for the family left behind as they are for the person they are farewelling. 

I’m looking forward to the opportunity to contribute parts of myself to this difficult time of grief and loss, whilst adding colour in celebrating a life lived. 

I envisage my role as delivering the service, co-ordinating speakers, readers, cueing the music, visual representations & liaising with the funeral directors. Not only the logistics of the service but also in the lead up to, chatting to loved ones, determining particulars & helping compile a ceremony that represents the person who has passed. I will be empathetic and sensitive to the situation but confident I can remain separate from the heightened emotions experienced by the grieving family. Sometimes, I won’t and I’m okay with that too. 

In deeply contemplating entering into this space, the importance of looking after myself becomes more apparent. In supporting a bereaved person, this will generate a broad range of feelings. It will be a challenge but in the same breath, humbling and rewarding. At times it will be stressful, confusing and overwhelming. Physically and emotionally, this will take a toll and I have given thought to how I will commit to my own self-care: taking regular breaks setting boundaries and expectations early on, staying connected with my friends and family, being prepared to say no to additional requests by protecting my time, remaining in the moment, eating well, engaging in regular exercise, maintaining a good sleep pattern, meditating, continuing to develop an understanding of my experience, by chatting with my wife or even my therapist. 

It’s most certainly the small things in life, the everyday moments that accumulate and determine how we roll in this beautiful vessel that is our bodies, if anything the list of ‘self-care’ above can be applied to any day, irrespective of the pursuit.

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